The second day of the con was, for the most part, far less exciting for me. I skipped out on all the panels as the one I wanted to see (Trailer Park: A look at upcoming movie trailers) ended up getting canceled.

What I did do! Spent more money. God these cons are brutal on my bank account. I got prints from Dustin Nguyen and Chris Moreno. I purchased a Bone print from the Comic Book Legal Defense Fund booth and I continued digging through the dealers booths for more DCAU comics.

Speaking of DCAU, I picked up my Martian Manhunter drawing from Steve Jones and consider it the best money I spent over the whole con. I also found Craig Rousseau who penciled a number of DCAU comics issues but didn’t have any prints for sale, nor did I have money left for a sketch at that point (I believe I quite literally had one dollar left in my pocket).

A big highlight of the day was the intervention my friends and I staged upon Robert Kirkman. After waiting line, we approached with issue one of Astounding Wolf-Man, but immediately asked what the deal was with Invincible #50 and if it would ever, ever, ever see the stands or if he had decided to quit writing it. We mentioned that we thought about getting Invincible #49 signed, but it had gotten dusty by this point. Kirkman however assured us that after issue 50 hits (now set for JUNE), the next few issues should come fast and furious.

This sort of gets at what I was saying earlier about waiting for a book. There’s no way I want someone else to write or draw Invincible. But often times it’s a really delayed book with huge cliffhangers. I saw the sketch for the cover of issue 50 in San Diego last year. I really am willing to wait this long for a book, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to wait quietly and it doesn’t mean I won’t harass Robert Kirkman when he’s just sitting right there.

Around the corner was the artist for Wolf-Man, Jason Howard. I had him sign my issue as well (which was quite seriously the only thing I brought to get signed all weekend), and then asked him about Wolf-Man becoming a monthly comic rather than a bi-monthly comic like it is now.

To paraphrase:
Me: Is it actually going to be monthly or is going to be monthly like the rest of this joker’s (gestures toward Kirkman) comics?
JH: It will actually be monthly.

He sounded very reassuring.

Monday morning, I think I’ve pinched a nerve in my bad shoulder from two days of backpack lugging and I’m investigating frames for all my new artwork. How ECCC has grown, and word is it will be even bigger next year! Already on the guest list? Darwyn Cooke.

And probably Gail Simone again, I really think she goes to everything.

The first day of the con is over. It’s hard to believe it flew by so quickly. Let’s recap a few things I couldn’t earlier.

The DC Nation panel was hosted by Dan Didio and included panelists Gail Simone, Bill Willingham, Ethan Van Sciver, Kurt Busiek, J. Michael Straczynski, and Greg Rucka among others. Dan opened by sucking up to us Seattelites before asking the crowd who was excited for Final Crisis, Batman RIP, and Blackest Night.

Some highlights of the panel include one man mispronouncing Skrulls as “squirrels” and the revelation that it seems every single DC story idea in recent memory has originated in a bar. JMS did give us a glimpse into his upcoming run on Brave and the Bold which will include team ups such as Spectre/Batman, Lex Luthor/Swamp Thing, Constantine/Eclipso, and Challengers of the Unknown/Metal Men.

Kurt Busiek talked about the next weekly from DC, Trinity, which will not be tied into Final Crisis but will include a reintroduction of Gangbuster and Hawkman, while giving a tour of the DCU. Gail Simone didn’t seem to have any huge events planned for Wonder Woman, besides her usual knockout awesome stories.

Dan discussed the issue of being willing to wait for a comic with the right creative team, or to get a different creative team to avoid delays. Me? I’m a waiter. I’m not waiting for just the characters, I’m waiting for the writers and artists that I like. Most people in the panel seemed to be waiters as well, but maybe we don’t want our publishers actually knowing just how long we’re willing to wait (me? a long time.)

Like every single DC Nation panel, there were lots of questions about when we would see certain characters come back, usually met with vague answers — there were lots of questions dodged by the Dan Didio. Sometimes I feel like I could write these panels before hand, put it in a sealed envelope and opened it afterwards to find I had been completely right. My plan at this point, however, is to head down to the bars near the convention center, find Didio (hopefully with a few in him already) and see if I can’t pitch him a few stories.

Stephen “JB” Jones should have a Martian Manhunter sketch for me sometime tomorrow. We talked about his work on the various DCAU shows and the recent New Frontier animated DVD. I probably could’ve talked to poor Mr. Jones all day but I eventually pulled myself away after a long discussion of our favorite episodes, Static Shock, and the transition from Justice League to JLU.

I ended the day relaxing against a wall near the Penny Arcade booth with some of their crew when who should appear but Wil Wheaton. You may remember Wil from his recent guest appearance on the hit show Numbers, though he seemed to not want us to remember him from that. He and I almost fought, but I had a very slight height advantage and my scrappiness scared him off. YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST. WIL WHEATON TOO SCARED TO FIGHT ME.

Back to the con tomorrow! Does this thing have a donate button? I need to buy more stuff.

I’m at cyber hot dog cafe near the convention center and I’ve got a mere 20 minutes to shoot up some words and blast them off so here’s a quick look at the con so far.

First off, the convention has really grown since last year! Wow! I am amazed and impressed and maybe a little bit sad? I have to admit, I liked the calm atmosphere of the con. Last year the DC panel had empty seats, this year it was standing room only. I don’t know where all of these comic book fans came from. It’s amazing.

I started the day off by just roaming the floor for a while and getting a feel for the layout. We located Dave Stewart, and I gushed like schoolgirl about the brilliance of his colors. We ran over to Gail Simone who seemed to remember us (I think, I hope?). We talked about the growth of the con as well.

The DC Nation panel was at 1 pm and is thus far the only panel I’ve attended. It’s gone about the same as any other DC Nation panel. They introduce everyone, there’s a bunch of questions, which cover such ground as “when are we going to see this character?” and “when’s this character coming back?” You also get the traditional “Dan Didio is going to dodge this one” question. He did run into the crowd a couple times to review notes the question-askers had written down. We tried to call him a smelly fart by writing it on our question “notes” to no avail.

As usual the dealers have lots of great sales and I’ve been scouring long boxes to fill up my DCAU collection. I know, nothing you guys care about, but the dealers are really a huge part of the con and a great reason to come to such things loaded down with cash.

Coming up tonight is the costume contest, and I’ll have a bit more thorough rundown of the DC Nation panel for you. My time here in the cyber cafe is running short though, and I’ve got a lot more conning to do. There’s a sweet Batman print eyeing my bank account and I’m aching to talk to Stephen “JB” Jones. Stay tuned!

I consider myself to be a decent Expert-level Guitar Hero player. You won’t find me on YouTube with 100% full-combo runs of Freebird, Cliffs of Dover or Bark At The Moon. You won’t find me winning any tournaments, either. I’ve beaten Through The Fire And Flames twice and Jordan five times (five-starring it once and never again) and gotten the “Who Needs the Power?” achievement for Cult of Personality, though, so I’m not exactly a slouch either.

Yet, one thing in Rock Band’s guitar charts consistently destroys my note streak: the timing leniency. I’m specifically talking about the precision with which you need to hit hammer-ons, pull-offs and rapid strumming. (For the uninitiated, hammer-ons and pull-offs in the guitar-based games are a series of notes that you can hit without strumming, as long as you time the fret-presses and releases correctly and hit the first note of the sequence.)

If you look at the guitar note charts for Rock Band, they’re by and large much easier to play than those found in Guitar Hero III and the harder songs in Guitar Hero II. Rock Band, after all, seems to be more geared towards the casual party audience (despite the fact that Guitar Hero costs less to enjoy fully). So, there I was, looking at Green Grass & High Tides — which shares some note chart similarities with Guitar Hero II’s Freebird – and failing it. Repeatedly. Meanwhile, I can pass Freebird with flying colors.

The reason for that is because of how precisely you have to time your hammer-ons and pull-offs. Whereas Guitar Hero has made the timing more lenient with every sequel to make up for the fact that they get increasingly difficult passages, Rock Band seems to have taken it to a level only slightly more lenient than the original Guitar Hero — a game in which it was almost impossible for a “decent” player such as myself to consistently hit hammer-ons without strumming extra. I also think that other Expert players — ones that not only don’t have Rock Band’s current timing down to a science, but still struggle with the higher-tier songs in Guitar Hero II and III – should be able to pick up Blackened in Rock Band without being made to fail in the first two minutes. But chances are, they can’t.

This baffles me slightly because of how Rock Band supposedly caters to a slightly more casual rhythm game audience. I don’t know about you, but when I play Rock Band with my friends, I do want to play hard songs to combat boredom — yet, I don’t want to have to develop the precision of a robot in order to not fail out of them. I furthermore find it just downright odd that I can get through the Number Of The Beast solo quite well in Guitar Hero III and pass 400,000 points in that song, yet consistently get knocked out of that same solo in the Rock Band downloadable version — whose note chart is much easier!

What I’m proposing is that Harmonix patches Rock Band such that the timing leniencies in the guitar charts are at least comparable to, if not better than, the programming in Guitar Hero II. It’s not because I’m pissed that I can’t pass songs during a party (I can pass them — just only about 80% of the time), but rather because I feel that the majority of those who pick up Rock Band won’t want to stress out as much as they do when competing in Guitar Hero. Besides, hammer-ons in general should feel more natural than they do. A few complaints I heard about the original Guitar Hero wasn’t that the hammer-ons were difficult, but that they didn’t mimic the feel of doing them on a real instrument.

So howzaboutit, Harmonix? Will you fix this one thing and make me kiss your feet for all of eternity?

What do you Expert Rock Band guitar players think? Do you care that the leniency is tight? Do you want it looser, or do you want them to leave it? Leave your comments below.

[All My Issues is a semi-regular peek into the mind of comic book virtuoso Jeff Stolarcyk, a part-time teacher, part-time freelance journalist, and full-time geek. He has an almost unhealthy obsession with the printed page, though when he’s not busy reading comics or gaming, he cooks a mean bowl of chili.]

“It’s in my books, so that’s the way it has to be!”

That justification isn’t good enough for Neal Adams. He’s talking about the scientific community’s out-of-hand refutation of the expanding earth theory, but the New York native isn’t the sort to settle for the accepted logic on any subject.

With the help of writer Denny O’Neill, Adams redefined the way comic books approach social issues. The artist tackled race, drug addiction and other social ills head-on in the pages of Green Lantern/Green Arrow and other titles. Off the page, he was a crusader for creators’ rights and was instrumental in the long battle to get Jerry Siegel and Joe Shuster credit for the creation of Superman. With Secret Invasion hitting shelves this summer, and hundreds of con-goers milling around the Javits Center in Skrull masks, it’s worth noting that Adams and Roy Thomas redefined the Skrulls with the Avengers’ Kree-Skrull War storyline. “These things are cyclical,” he says, talking about the staying power of the Skrull concept.

I sat down with Neal Adams in his Continuity Comics booth at the New York Comic Con. We sat and talked for well over the amount of time we’d allotted for the interview, and Neal and his family were incredibly cordial.

Adams’s first answer to “What are you working on right now?” was his YouTube channel dealing with his defense of the growing Earth theory.

On the comics front, Adams is near completion on a biographical project about Dina Babbitt, a Czech artist and Holocaust survivor. While imprisoned in Auschwitz, Babbitt painted watercolors under the orders of Josef Mengele. Now living in California, Babbitt is trying to reclaim her surviving paintings from the Auschwitz-Birkenau Museum.

Moving back to the mainstream, Adams has been drawing several high-profile variant covers for his old employer, DC Comics. “They’re instant collector’s items,” he says a bit derisively, “Perhaps not the best practice, but it doesn’t seem to hurt anybody.”

On the subject of any more substantive work for DC, Adams tells me – with a conspiratorial look in his eye – that he’s drawing a series of graphic novels for DC starring “an unnamed caped crusader.” Still in its early stages, look for DC to solicit the title when it’s about halfway complete. Frank Miller is collaborating with Adams on the project, called __________: Odyssey, providing dialogue. The project is an examination whether or not the title character can do more good for society as their masked alter-ego, or as Bruce Wayne, billionaire philanthropist. It seems likely that Deadman, another hero made famous by Adams, will make an appearance.

When questioned about the sorts of issues that he’d be compelled to tackle if he were still on a book like Green Lantern/Green Arrow today, Adams cites our society’s dependence on oil and the lack of universal healthcare: “We’re a civilized nation,” he says. “I’d personally be attacking Bush with as much gusto as I could,” he admits with a laugh. When asked how exactly a superhero can tackle these issues, Adams gives me a wink and says, “The question is whether Batman is wasting Bruce Wayne’s time, isn’t it….It’s not an issue of good or bad, but how do you deal with it?”

For more information on Neal Adams and his current projects, check out his website.

The first time I went to Comic Con in San Diego, I was overwhelmed by the people I got to meet and the things I got to see. An avid lover of animation, my body practically shutdown the first time I tried to talk to Bruce Timm. Writers and artists were everywhere. Not just at booths or far out of reach, but in amongst the crowd and enjoying the con themselves. Months later, I found it time to enjoy my new hometown’s con for the first time.

The experience was, well, far less daunting than San Diego and by halfway through the first day, it occurred to me how wonderful the laid back experience of the small con was. I got to talk and connect with comic creators without feeling the heat of someone pressing me to move it along on my back. The fact truly hit home while attending San Diego again later that year, as I had many faces recognize me from Emerald City.

This weekend, May 10th and 11th, it’s time for ECCC to take place again. This time the con has grown and moved from the cold, unfeeling concrete of Qwest Field Event Center to the more welcoming Washington State Trade and Convention Center, home of another geek mecca: PAX. The new home
makes way for a second room to host panels, and what will hopefully be a more attendee-friendly layout to the exhibitor floor.

DC, Marvel, and Image/Top Cow will all have panels over the weekend, along with Wil Wheaton, and various other guests. Saturday night there will be traditional masquerade/costume contest, and Sunday there’ll be a preview of trailers from upcoming comic-based movies. Some guests I’m personally anticipating include Stephen “JB” Jones, Gail Simone, Robert Kirkman, Bryan Lee O’Malley, Dave Stewart, Pia Guerra, Matt Wagner, Sean “Cheeks” Galloway, Jeffrey Rowland, and Mike Oeming, to name but a few. For a more complete list of guests and a full run down of the con, check out the official website.

If you live in Seattle, well go to the con! It’s $25 for the whole weekend and tickets are available at the door. And check back all weekend as I try desperately to update you on my own adventures.

[I Attack the Darkness is a semi-regular feature by tabletop gaming evangelist Erin Palette, who spins words about her love and appreciation for pen and paper RPGs, while waxing poetic about all things devoted to gaming unplugged.]

Ah, Valentine’s Day. That time of year when a young girl’s fancy lightly turns to thoughts of brutally abusing her players in the RPG she is running. In this week’s installment of I Attack the Darkness, we explore in great detail the forbidden love inherent in all role-playing games: Sadomasochism.

No, really.

Part One: Players are Masochists

Every gamer secretly likes to suffer. They won’t ever admit it, of course, and in fact will heartily bitch and moan whenever their beloved characters are even slightly inconvenienced, but don’t let that fool you. One, players will bitch about anything, given half the chance; this is how you know they’re paying attention and engaged in the game. A quiet player is usually one who has lost interest and is now idly paging through magazines, building dice towers, or fallen asleep. Two – and here is where the analogy really begins to heat up – the complaints of a player serve the same function as the cries of pain from a masochist who is being beaten by a really good top, i.e. “Ouch!” and “That hurts!” really mean “Yes! Yes!” and “More, please!”

Players like to suffer because there is no glory in an easy victory. Go to any game store, any convention, any place where RPG grognards congregate, and you will hear them tell stories of great woe, tales of Dungeon Masters so evil that it would chill the blood and the incredible misery they inflicted upon their players… and yet the players triumphed anyway.

That’s the key. The point of all the suffering, all the pain, is that at the end of the campaign, a player can look his DM in the eye and say, “Yeah, you hurt me. You put me through hell. For three months I showed up every Saturday, and you made every step excruciating. But you didn’t beat me. I kept showing up, and you kept throwing things at me, and I kept going. You’ve done your worst to me, and I still finished that adventure. I WIN.”

Players like to suffer, because it validates their experiences and gives them a sense of accomplishment. They want you to do your worst to them. Which is convenient, because all good Game Masters are sadists any way.

Part Two: Game Mastering as Applied Sadism

Of course, some of you may be asking yourselves, “But why would I want to be a sadist? Surely there is a way to run a game that doesn’t involve abject cruelty? Can’t we all be mature individuals and mmmph –”

Sorry about that. Well, not really. I just felt the need to gag you. And that, you see, is precisely how a Game Master starts down the Black Rose path. You may start out with good intentions, but eventually you have a troublemaker in your group who simply won’t respond to anything other than a good old-fashioned whipping:

• The Rules Lawyer who feels the need to argue every ruling you make
• The Clown who won’t stop making Gilbert Gottfried impressions at the table
• The Digresser who leaps upon any pause in the game to discuss what happened on TV last night
• Mr. “I can destroy any dramatic moment with a Monty Python quote”

For whatever reason – maybe you’ve been warning these guys for months, or maybe you just had a bad day – you just snap. You pull out the biggest, meanest, nastiest encounter you can, and before you know it you’ve taken out a third of the party.

And it feels GOOD. You’ve discovered the powerful catharsis of role-playing God Almighty. The PCs are but puny mortals before your wrath, your GM screen is the Mount of Heaven, and the dice are your thunderbolts. You realize that, if you wanted, you could drop elephants upon them from orbit. An evil grin crawls across your face, and as your players give you that “Dear Jesus what have we unleashed?” look, you know that you will never deny yourself this pleasure again.

Funny how so many GMs go the Old Testament route, isn’t it? But that’s a subject for another article.

Still, a goddess needs her worshippers, and killing everyone’s characters all the time is a good way to lose your players. Besides, fairness must be maintained – or at least the illusion of fairness – so while Total Party Kills are no longer de rigeur, you can keep your players suffering enough that they won’t sass you. Give them the right kind of pain, and they’ll keep coming back for more.

To be a proper sadist, you have to know what turns your players on before you can give it to them firmly across their backsides. As it turns out, this is relatively easy, since when it comes to suffering there are two kinds of players: Engineers and Drama Whores.

Engineers like rules and complex rule systems. They enjoy point-based character design, as it gives them a high degree of precision regarding what their characters can do, and to what degree. They prefer having many tactical options, and for combat to simulate real life (or whatever genre you are using) as accurately as possible. They like having lots of dice, and using them, because random numbers are fun. Champions, Shadowrun, and Dungeons & Dragons are excellent examples of Engineer games.

Drama Whores prefer the spirit of the rules to the actual letter. It’s important to them that they have a good feel for their characters and know what makes them tick, even to the point of creating detailed histories and psychologies for them. They are more concerned with being part of a gripping story than with getting treasure, and will frequently handicap themselves just because it makes for better roleplaying. Drama Whores prefer games likes Vampire, Nobilis and Amber Diceless.

Both of these types are easy to abuse, assuming you possess basic Game Master skills (the ability to make a challenging encounter, comprehensive knowledge of the rules and setting of the game, and a black void where your heart once was).

Engineers want to suffer in a manner that is precise and game-defined. They love it when you break out obscure rules for encumbrance, hypothermia, and sleep deprivation because it enhances the simulation of actually being there. The more you can accurately model “the suck” without bogging down the game, the better.

You should also make use of the fickle randomness of dice; PCs love it when they score critical hits, so why shouldn’t you? Let the dice fall where they may, often in plain sight of the victims players. You don’t have to kill them, either; often it’s the fear of impending doom, as you roll 1dHandfull, that is more frightening than the numbers themselves. Sometimes merely living through a critical hit (albeit horribly mangled) is enough to satisfy the masochistic urge.

Drama Whores, on the other hand, are perfectly happy if you have a session without dice-rolling. Some of them are so into their characters that if you took their sheets and dice away they’d barely notice. You can’t punish these people mechanically, because they’ll find an in-character reason to run away or whatever. No, you need to give them what they crave: romance and tragedy, Shakespearean in scope.

This might be difficult for you, if not for the fact that a Drama Whore is in fact your willing accomplice in all this. Given half the chance, they will quite happily “Top from the Bottom” and present you with all sorts of opportunities for abuse: family curses, lost loves, doomed relationships, unfaithful spouses, even terminal diseases and dark fates. Soap operas and comic books are full of this sort of thing, as was Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

What you must not forget, however, is that this suffering must be emotional and in-character. A Drama Whore will care not one whit that he has a –10 to his “to-hit” roll; instead, it is far better to say “As you pick up your sword, you become keenly aware of all the blood spilt and lives ended by your hand. Even though you will die if you do not defend yourself, you find yourself asking, Does one such as I even deserve to live? With such thoughts foremost in your mind, your skill at arms is greatly diminished.”

In Conclusion: Dominance and Submission

The relationship between a GM and her players is equivalent to that of a Dominatrix to her submissives. Both come to her looking for abuse, and both feel cheated if she goes “too easy” on them. A well-run RPG, like a Discipline session, contains Rules, Punishment for disobeying those rules, and Rewards when those Rules are obeyed. When completed, both sides should feel pleasantly tired, yet gratified.

Feed your ego. Flog your players. It’s what you both want.

[I Attack the Darkness is a semi-regular feature by tabletop gaming evangelist Erin Palette, who spins words about her love and appreciation for pen and paper RPGs, while waxing poetic about all things devoted to gaming unplugged.]

Hi, my name is Erin Palette, and I’m about to let you sniff my butt.

Got your attention, have I? Good. I despise the typical introductory paragraph where I tell you who I am, the purpose of this column, and what topics I’ll be visiting or avoiding as I write. I prefer to make a big splash at the beginning, frolicking in your confusion and disbelief, and by the time you’ve recovered from my literary flashbang I’ve already made my point and moved on to another topic. In movies and novels this is referred to as In Media Res, which is Latin for “This is how all the Star Wars movies began,” but I prefer to call it guerrilla composition.

Yes, I know big words and I’m not afraid to use them. I also refuse to talk down to you. I will treat each and every one of you as my intellectual equals, and if you don’t understand a word I have faith that you will Google it. You’re supposed to be the hip, techno-literate Internet Generation, after all.

So what does my butt have to do with all this? It’s a metaphor for what I call the Gaming Pedigree: the list of which RPGs a gamer has played, and to a lesser extent, in what order. Just as dogs like to sniff the rear ends of other dogs, I’ve noticed that gamers are more likely to accept another once they’ve sussed out that person’s preferences and experiences. Alas, I have no character sheet with which I can prove my claim to be an CR 18 Gamer, with 10 levels in GM, 5 in Player, and 3 in the Prestige Class Making PCs My Bitches. All I can do is recite my pedigree and hope you will deem me qualified to write a regular column about Role-Playing Games.

My first exposure to RPGs came in 1980. I was seven years old and obsessively listened to The Hobbit on LP. My brother, who was a freshman in high school (and therefore incredibly cool in my eyes), had just gotten for his birthday a series of big hardcover books and funny pieces of plastic. These were, of course, the 1st Edition AD&D books and the required polyhedral dice, and I was immediately enthralled. I begged my brother to teach me to play, whereupon I immediately made a – you guessed it – a halfling thief. I killed some giant rats and found a gold piece in a crack in the wall. I was immediately hooked.

That Christmas, I asked for my own copy of D&D. Keep in mind that I was seven years old. I read those books over and over. I firmly believe that Gary Gygax helped teach me to read; his writing style was dense and he used large words like phylactery and beatific. This was heady stuff for a first-grader. I felt a sense of forbidden glee as I read those words and giggled over the semi-naughty pictures of succubi and whatever the plural of sphinx is. I was reading grown-up stuff. I had become empowered, even though that word had yet to enter the pop-cultural vernacular.

Dungeons & Dragons is a lot like marijuana: just about everyone tries it once in their life, typically in high school or college, and if you get hooked on it you usually move on to the harder stuff. As it turns out, I am a stone-cold addict for this kind of thing, especially since I had been hooked during my formative years.

I tried other games after D&D (though saying “after” is a bit misleading, since I never truly left my first love. My attention has wandered over the years – especially during the 2nd Edition period – but I have always returned. The shiny polyhedral dice and clunky-but-charming rules, they are a siren song to me), sampling the virtues of each:

I went to an engineering school, where large sweaty geeks with equally large graphing calculators taught me Champions. From them, I learned the ways of munchkinism.

I remember the amphetamine rush of Cyberpunk 2020, and the shocking realization that self-destruction was a viable means of character development.

I played Paranoia, and discovered that not only could it be funny to kill your PCs, but it actually took very little encouragement to get them to turn on each other.

I drank deeply of the opium known as Vampire: the Masquerade (that was most of the 90s, in fact), and learned that many players enjoy suffering, and I was happy to become their 10-Sided Dominatrix.

My name is Erin Palette, and I have been a gaming junkie for nearly thirty years. Since 1984 I have played and/or GM’ed every single A-List RPG, and a good chunk of the B- and C-Listers. A quick glance at my bookshelf reveals the following:

* Traveller (both GURPS and original)
* Star Wars (d6 version, from WEG)
* Star Frontiers
* TORG
* Feng Shui
* Legend of the Five Rings
* 7th Sea
* Blue Planet
* Damn near every single book written for the original World of Darkness
* Immortal: the Invisible War (hacked to use White Wolf mechanics)
* In Nomine (ditto)
* Top Secret/S.I.
* Dogs in the Vineyard
* Aberrant/Trinity/Adventure
* Amber Diceless RPG
* Everway
* Heck, I think I even have an old copy of Boot Hill kicking around somewhere.

I am, as you can see, an utter nerd. While most kids were playing Nintendo or Sega or Atari, I was re-reading the Tomb of Horrors. I have made ASCII character sheets using just a text editor. I have taken a figurative chainsaw to nearly every game I have run, altering them like a maniacal Dr. Frankenstein. I have run diceless games with dice, converted dice-based games to run on playing cards, and at one point I even used Magic: the Gathering cards as a task-resolution system for a game of Mage. My d20s all have names; I have enough d4s to build a credible caltrop field; my d12s do not “cry themselves to sleep”; and I have more six-siders than GOD.

I am Erin Palette, a sexy shoeless goddess of geeks, and I invite you to join me as I review, analyze, dissect, and desecrate role-playing games of all stripes. I will show you how kindness is cruelty and sadism is love. I will teach you not to fear the Gaming Police, and demonstrate how to twist a game world to your own nefarious ends. I will discuss how to deal with problem players and how to use basic operant conditioning to get players to make the decisions you want without them even realizing it. Role-playing games are not just simulations or exercises of the imagination; they are first and foremost a psychological tool. Realize this, and not only do you get to play god, you can actually make your players love and fear you as a god.

Come… step into my laboratory, if you dare. It will only hurt for a moment….